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A Coastal Christmas

Of course I should have expected it. Woodbridge may not look out to sea, but it's a coastal town none the less. It therefore submits to the rules of tacky tourism when it has to.

Today was the Christmas Street Fair. The Thoroughfare (we are too posh to use the term High Street out here) was packed with stalls selling porcelain replicas of local landmarks and at least a dozen tombolas offering nothing more exciting than a bottle of cheap plonk as the top prize.

This was all to be expected, along with the charity shops, the cheap Christmas cards, the 'make an angel' kits and the bacon butties.

But Mr Punch came as a surprise.

Like pantomime, the Punch and Judy show is one of those British traditions that's second nature to us natives, but totally beyond the comprehension of foreigners. It's usually found in seaside resorts - preferably on the beach - or anywhere large numbers of children congregate. It's a one-man puppet show where the stage is a red and white stripy tent. The wooden puppets are held above the performer's head, and speak with a screechy high-pitched voice that's the result of the performer half-swallowing a metallic reed. (Apparently the risk of choking on a lump of pewter is worth it for the effect. I beg to differ.)

The plot is always slapstick and involves Punch battering a Policeman, and Judy knocking Punch out with a frying pan. Crocodiles and sausages usually feature prominently too. This being tacky British entertainment, audience participation is compulsory, and it was the cries of "It's behind you!" that drew my attention to today's spectacle.

Thoroughly bizarre, but so much a part of this country that I could do nothing but stand back and watch the show for five minutes before getting on with the shopping.

Shopping update: still no prezzies bought, but I have ideas...